throw it in the bag

alright so i never write and noone probably reads this

but drugs and drinking is pathetic to me now a days

like in my socials 11 class (class with 11thgraders that i have to take tto graduate) the sub was like what do you guys do on weekends .. and they all yelled DRINKING like WOW what is this world comming to and alot of people where i like now spend there whole paychecks on alcohol like they dont care about music or clothing or nothing like wtf ..

& then like the last couple dudes like ive been talking to have HUGE smoking problems .. like ALL you ever do is smoke like this nigga told me when i dont text you back its because im rolling up like wtf OMG!! ahh stopwith your fuckin lifee!!

anyways ive been starting to think about my new years resoultions and so far i have

- stop procrasting

- exercise daily

- eat better!

- blog more

- think about my furture

- set goals and forfill them

... and thats all for now jersey shores on now ! byyyeee

2

at this moment in my life if i feel bad about anything its
-having my bestfriend have to pay soo much to talk to me
because i left him
-considering giving up the only thing tht makes me smile
basketball
-and stopped giving a fuck about myself.
i need help

:(

1

to be totally and compeltely honest the one thing i regret in my life is moving here. not my first time not lying to my parents NOTHING . i absoutley hate my life here. yes i am blessed to have a roof over my head and food and to be alive but FUCK that shit . yes at sometimes in vegas i hated my life but nothing compares to here where i was the fuckin joke of the day for wearing jordans shorts adn a hoodie becasue i was on my period. fuck that i had EVERYTHING i ever wanted in vegas. friends no they were the best but i had carly one of my favorite people on this earth who i always had fun with NO MATTER what and MY SEPTEMBER LOREE AND ALLY never EVER a dull moment and they were alwasy there to talk to me wheneerever i needed and they helped me grown adn to stop giving a fuck point blank period. and i had fuckin black guys which it like there are none here and none like me like wtf is going on. what is wrong with me ?
- nothing becasue everything fuckin thing is wrong with them. i cannot wait til i get the fuck outta here away from this place in november NO im not going to vegas but im going to see the one fuckin person i miss the most my NANA shes my rock my life line, id l=kill for her anyday. im so mad right now like i dont think anyone can understand and on top of all that .
*rip dan jones. how fuckin bad i want to be there tomrrow with people who actually care about me and i care about them being around someone we cared so much about together .



:( honestly i always say i give up but now. . . i really do /

ITS BARBIE BITCH

my life right now is just like a huge ball of confusion. i miss my bestfriends hellla but i honestly dont think anyof them give 2 fucks aboutme. im jst very lonely and lost right now and that makes me constantly lost in music . its more of what i breathe and its like the blood in my body. school starts in septmber and im not gunna lie im scared shitless. like when goto the store i see the people here and i feeel so outa place when just a month and a half ago i was so high above everyone. everything is takin so much gettin used too. every morning i wake up andi pray that eerything will be okay. yesterday made me realize things alot because of the AMW concert. i wasnt ment to se soulja wayne or jeezy even tho i woulda LOVED to i was ment to see drake and sinc i cant see him i shouldnt have gone. and i was cnacelled.

thats all for now im really feelin this barbie movement

homesick

right now im so said i just wannna cry and cry and cry. im in canada and ill be here for a year i cant change none of it. but it just hurts so bad .

11:37 - do yu remember the time

alright here we go, ive been thinking about alot lately

-friends, family, life, goals, my future, what will tomorrow bring.

&ND honestly im confused. im moving in 2 days and ill be all alone but the good thing is i get a fresh start but its bitersweet cause ive been here for so long i mean some of the people i would be graduaing with ive know since kindergarten. like thats a whole lotta years when you lookback on it then i just have to learn a whole new world caus eits been so long sice ive been in canada. im so scared/nevrous/xicted. im just like everything wrapped in one. the good thing about all of this is i get to go to OAKLAND :) hmmm nothing like being home w/ family for a couple days and a bigass dinner for my dad's birthday

*last weekend my cousins came into town and i stayed with them at there hotel. wow let me tell you how good it feels to have soo many memories with one person and i can talk to her about anything but when we were little my cousin was the first i would wanna kill. thinking about getting a matching tat with her blackass :)

~hmm now love. i thought there would still be something when he came back like at least a friend "iloveyou" but not even close. when i saw him no feelings came back. the only thing there was, was anger i was so madthat i let someone hurt me like he did. he made me feel like noone could ever love me or treat me good in my life like i was neverwrothy of having any good. he had changed so much and i just wanted him outta my life outta my face. i wanted to spit inhis face actually and after all of this i just cried and cried and cried and let verything out and ive never fely better ive met a new guy i dont really know about him im just really exicted for this new start i get to have :)

then theres michael jackson .. im stil in shock .. such a creative amzing yet crazy mind take WAY to early r.i.p. and farrah fawcett when iheard about her i thought about my auntie and damn how much i miss her :(

life

i havent wrote on here for the longest time but decided to write on here cause im juss really fed up with everything.

-its crazy how things change like i actually thought some people ive known for years would care that im moving and its people ive juss ment in my life that want to see me the most. its lik wtf was everything you said lies and you really never gave a fuck about me or our friendship, im really seeing people true colors and there uglyas fuck. like i was there for you wen you were at your fuckin lowest i was there when you lost your best friend and now you cant take like 5 seconds ou of your life to say bye to me. like i dont care casue the people who care know when im leaving and they will see me and when im gone yourass will juss be like damnnnn.

thats all for now.

i really needa get my nails and hair done and go shopping :/

i kina want a boy too ./

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are."

successful

i really just wanna be successful;
right now i dont really know whats wrong with me or how i feel but its like
ever step i take i gotta take like 15 steps baack, and unlike some people i
gotta work for everything. like most of the time i just want things to be
perfect and i know
that not gunna happen. i never know what i want but i alwasy know what i dont want. why me ? but whynot .. god never gives you anything you cant handle but everything i just pushing me to my edge i dont know what to do.

i really dont feel good i just feel blah but noone ever knows whats going
on with me cause i but on the biggest front last night i really realize that i
need fine myself what i like who i really am not what everyone else wants me to
be or to feel. and sometimes it hurts when i look around and im surrounded by
gourges amazing people and im just like why do they even look at me
sometimes.
but what really hurts to this day is how cruel people are really not giving
a fuck what they say about you and i know im mean and i need to stop cause its
not right, everyone is just mean.


then alot of times i wonder whats wrong with me like honestly,
-my hair
-my weight
-my height
-my voice
-my feet
-my face
like come on is it that hard just to get to know someone for them and nothing else.. like i know how i wanna see myself one way but when i look in the mirror there something competle different and everyone of my friends is happy and i just wanna be like that ..
:( i just wanna cry sometimes not becasue im a baby but ebecasue it lets everything out. it like the tears was away my pain.

“What is opportunity, and when does it knock? It never knocks. You can wait
a whole lifetime, listening, hoping, and you will hear no knocking. None at all.
You are opportunity, and you must knock on the door leading to your destiny. You
prepare yourself to recognize opportunity, to pursue and seize opportunity as
you develop the strength of your personality, and build a self-image with which
you are able to live / with your self-respect alive and growing.”

-maxwell maltz

skys the limit

alright si ihavent been writibg alot lately but its whatever
i gots alot on my mind so im just finna write

im so blessed to have such good friends like seriously. i know that if i would ever need anything my close friends would be there and if anything happened they would be there and that means sooo damn much to me

hmmm boys are so confusing but with this he seems to be good for me i mean he not like completely what i go for but close enough i sorta think

ive realized i need start working on me forfillin my dreams and what i wanna do and what makes me happy. and i havent im always trying to make someone else happy or do something for someone else when i hate them . i have to learn how to be the nice person i can with no bullshitt
thats really iy


seppies a whore :)

sweetest girl

so have wrote ina longgg ass time :/
um alot has happen to me lately and it just showing me how strong i have to be


im ver proud of my bestfriend for getting signed
even tho she be having them destiny's child moments
haha


so i dont inderstand why im going over to septembers and shit
and she tells me to basically bring my whole life with me hahaha ..

okay she keeps saying go to sleep so
goodnight

plus vdays sucked ass !

everything im not made me everything i am

today made me realize alot about boys. how one mintne you can think your ex and you are really good friends and shit then turns out hes basically lying to your face and its effecting the shit outta you which is fucked up because you just went throught hell and back with them and thought there was a chance of you gettin back togehter but he pulls some stupid bullshit ." if you love something let it go and if i comes back then thats how you know"

now talking about new loves, for once i just want a boy to treaat me like a freakin princess spoil me just basically everything ive never had and never thought i was worth . like just stupid little sweet things that make me smile or just suprise me with shit i mean is it really that hard i guess we shall see ..


now i know im fat but like i duno what wrong with me. like she always just makes me feel liek shit for the person i am and she made me this way she never tries to help me but when im at my worst is when she speeds to my side .. i dont need her i dont need anyone im one strong bitch and will prove people wrong. i can resist temptation with food and im going to lose weight. alot of time im just like this is me take me as i am but if my own mother makes me cry every night i think that theres omething wrong with that .. sometimes being your self isnt ever going to be good enough for anyone but when your content with your self then you should be good .

i miss my auntie lois alot she was my rock my happines my life . the one who was there to make me better the only person who ever called me beautiful and meant it i need her sooo much .. :(

life goes on

damn its fucking crazy how fast your life can be takin over some stupid bullshit. like really just becasue one people is something your not you wanna kill him over it. why dont you just try to be like him and get to where he is in like but no you have to take the life of a human that GOD put on this earth ?

who the fuck gives you the power to do that ?
answer is fuckin noone not even GOD gives people that power.

rip brandon g you were honestly the sweetest guy ive met like when i first saw you i was speechless casue you ARE so damn fine and the you were sooo damn nice like people well boys arent made like you anymore and there hard to find if there is one at all in general. Basically what im saying is i believe that GOD takes people for a reason and your reason is that you were doing so much in your if at a young age to prove to younger people like me what we can be capable when we work hard and strive for better than what we are. and with you passin im realizing how short life is and how much i take things for granted. i am blessed to have known you. and ill never EVER forget you.

on the other hand ...

how can you say you love a person when you get some bitch prego thats just plain out fucking stupid and wouldnt wear a condom ?in out fucking stupid and wouldnt wear a condom ? wow talk about cheating .. i cheated once a regret it too the fuckin fullest but no you do some shit a lie about it .. im disgusted with your bitchass stay the FUCK outta my life !

your the reason why i dont like boys becasue you treated me like shit but now i know someone who WILL treat me so much better than you and make you so damn jealous that you lost me tonight is the last night i cry over your ass casue you only gave me one good thing in like and that _ _ _ oh and you showed me that i should give people chances even tho they might let me down big time like you did !