throw it in the bag

alright so i never write and noone probably reads this

but drugs and drinking is pathetic to me now a days

like in my socials 11 class (class with 11thgraders that i have to take tto graduate) the sub was like what do you guys do on weekends .. and they all yelled DRINKING like WOW what is this world comming to and alot of people where i like now spend there whole paychecks on alcohol like they dont care about music or clothing or nothing like wtf ..

& then like the last couple dudes like ive been talking to have HUGE smoking problems .. like ALL you ever do is smoke like this nigga told me when i dont text you back its because im rolling up like wtf OMG!! ahh stopwith your fuckin lifee!!

anyways ive been starting to think about my new years resoultions and so far i have

- stop procrasting

- exercise daily

- eat better!

- blog more

- think about my furture

- set goals and forfill them

... and thats all for now jersey shores on now ! byyyeee

2

at this moment in my life if i feel bad about anything its
-having my bestfriend have to pay soo much to talk to me
because i left him
-considering giving up the only thing tht makes me smile
basketball
-and stopped giving a fuck about myself.
i need help

:(

1

to be totally and compeltely honest the one thing i regret in my life is moving here. not my first time not lying to my parents NOTHING . i absoutley hate my life here. yes i am blessed to have a roof over my head and food and to be alive but FUCK that shit . yes at sometimes in vegas i hated my life but nothing compares to here where i was the fuckin joke of the day for wearing jordans shorts adn a hoodie becasue i was on my period. fuck that i had EVERYTHING i ever wanted in vegas. friends no they were the best but i had carly one of my favorite people on this earth who i always had fun with NO MATTER what and MY SEPTEMBER LOREE AND ALLY never EVER a dull moment and they were alwasy there to talk to me wheneerever i needed and they helped me grown adn to stop giving a fuck point blank period. and i had fuckin black guys which it like there are none here and none like me like wtf is going on. what is wrong with me ?
- nothing becasue everything fuckin thing is wrong with them. i cannot wait til i get the fuck outta here away from this place in november NO im not going to vegas but im going to see the one fuckin person i miss the most my NANA shes my rock my life line, id l=kill for her anyday. im so mad right now like i dont think anyone can understand and on top of all that .
*rip dan jones. how fuckin bad i want to be there tomrrow with people who actually care about me and i care about them being around someone we cared so much about together .



:( honestly i always say i give up but now. . . i really do /

ITS BARBIE BITCH

my life right now is just like a huge ball of confusion. i miss my bestfriends hellla but i honestly dont think anyof them give 2 fucks aboutme. im jst very lonely and lost right now and that makes me constantly lost in music . its more of what i breathe and its like the blood in my body. school starts in septmber and im not gunna lie im scared shitless. like when goto the store i see the people here and i feeel so outa place when just a month and a half ago i was so high above everyone. everything is takin so much gettin used too. every morning i wake up andi pray that eerything will be okay. yesterday made me realize things alot because of the AMW concert. i wasnt ment to se soulja wayne or jeezy even tho i woulda LOVED to i was ment to see drake and sinc i cant see him i shouldnt have gone. and i was cnacelled.

thats all for now im really feelin this barbie movement

homesick

right now im so said i just wannna cry and cry and cry. im in canada and ill be here for a year i cant change none of it. but it just hurts so bad .

11:37 - do yu remember the time

alright here we go, ive been thinking about alot lately

-friends, family, life, goals, my future, what will tomorrow bring.

&ND honestly im confused. im moving in 2 days and ill be all alone but the good thing is i get a fresh start but its bitersweet cause ive been here for so long i mean some of the people i would be graduaing with ive know since kindergarten. like thats a whole lotta years when you lookback on it then i just have to learn a whole new world caus eits been so long sice ive been in canada. im so scared/nevrous/xicted. im just like everything wrapped in one. the good thing about all of this is i get to go to OAKLAND :) hmmm nothing like being home w/ family for a couple days and a bigass dinner for my dad's birthday

*last weekend my cousins came into town and i stayed with them at there hotel. wow let me tell you how good it feels to have soo many memories with one person and i can talk to her about anything but when we were little my cousin was the first i would wanna kill. thinking about getting a matching tat with her blackass :)

~hmm now love. i thought there would still be something when he came back like at least a friend "iloveyou" but not even close. when i saw him no feelings came back. the only thing there was, was anger i was so madthat i let someone hurt me like he did. he made me feel like noone could ever love me or treat me good in my life like i was neverwrothy of having any good. he had changed so much and i just wanted him outta my life outta my face. i wanted to spit inhis face actually and after all of this i just cried and cried and cried and let verything out and ive never fely better ive met a new guy i dont really know about him im just really exicted for this new start i get to have :)

then theres michael jackson .. im stil in shock .. such a creative amzing yet crazy mind take WAY to early r.i.p. and farrah fawcett when iheard about her i thought about my auntie and damn how much i miss her :(

life

i havent wrote on here for the longest time but decided to write on here cause im juss really fed up with everything.

-its crazy how things change like i actually thought some people ive known for years would care that im moving and its people ive juss ment in my life that want to see me the most. its lik wtf was everything you said lies and you really never gave a fuck about me or our friendship, im really seeing people true colors and there uglyas fuck. like i was there for you wen you were at your fuckin lowest i was there when you lost your best friend and now you cant take like 5 seconds ou of your life to say bye to me. like i dont care casue the people who care know when im leaving and they will see me and when im gone yourass will juss be like damnnnn.

thats all for now.

i really needa get my nails and hair done and go shopping :/

i kina want a boy too ./

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are."